Friday, January 18, 2008

U2


I keep smoking and we’re back to not talking. More time goes by. Stupid kid, maybe I am just another deadbeat mortal but he’s still got a chance that I don’t have anymore. If he’s going to whine about what it takes to become stronger by slurping then he shouldn’t be so damned pissed when I yell at him for asking. The radio is grinding through commercials and I’m just about to turn it off again when they finally remember to play some music. It’s some sad bastard tune I remember from the 80’s and I reach to turn the station. “Hey, I like this song. U2 is one of my favorite bands, “ he says. I pause at the dial and decide to leave it. It’s a slow song and as I listen to the lyrics I find myself liking it a bit more. “This is U2, huh? It’s kinda preachy. That’s one of those things you believe in, right? That we’re all one despite our differences?” I ask. It was a lame attempt to humor him but I guess I just wanted him to talk again. “It’s about a guy whose gay and infected with AIDs. He’s telling his Dad that he’s going to die,” the kid explains. I listen to the song and see what he’s talking about. He hushes up again and I realize he probably feels patronized. Again. “I like that. I can relate, having a deadly disease. It’s not all heartless. When you’re…I mean back when I first got infected it’s not like there was a cure. I didn’t have a secret organization feeding me blood and I was going to go crazy if I didn’t drink. That happens, y’know. We called it the red haze. I usually black out just before I’m about to bite someone, like going on a bender or smoking too much dope. If you don’t get your fix, your brain just shuts down and you stop remembering anything. You walk around like a zombie till you’ve killed enough people. It wasn’t…I don’t know kid. I don’t know much of anything anymore. Being human again is…,” I trail off. He stays quiet for a while back there but then finally tells me I can change the channel once the commercials start back up. “It’s alright Shade. I don’t really know either,” he admits.

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