Staying Human

Since werewolf clans were relatively few and far between, the Guild of Nod had simply taken control of the major ones by appropriating their Den Mothers. It had been this way for about two decades and was one of the many enmities between the Enlightenment and the Nod Worshippers. I say one because although there was a lot of disapproval, we had never exactly cared a whole lot either. Ferris stiffens when I touch her shoulder and I can tell it’s time to pull back. “I believe…I think Fenrir will take his vengeance on the vampires. I think that the Book comes from his power and someday I hope to use this organization to free the Mother,” Ferris explains, “So if being human and helping them will do that, then no. I do not wish to change that. How about you, then? Do you wish you were a vampire again?” Now it’s my turn to look out the window. I think about all those times I tried to convince the kid to take a slurp and wonder about the relief I suddenly feel that he never did. But that isn’t really a ‘no’ either. “I wish that being either one didn’t change anything. That once I stopped being vampire everything I did to stay alive back then would still be the same now. But it isn’t. If I was a vampire again, I’d probably forget all this stuff. Having my jaw busted, worrying about dying, caring about what another person thinks. But I don’t know if I would for certain. That’s why I wouldn’t want to do it, not without knowing for sure I could forget these feelings. I don’t think I could stand being immortal while at the same time knowing there is this hidden world underneath it. Does that make sense?” I ask. Ferris looks at me and smiles. “It sounds like you’re just scared you’d be lonely,” she responds.